Tag Archives: emotional distance

TMI in Relationships: Have Anything to Complain About?

Like me, you have probably heard people state they ‘have nothing to complain about’. I think they are wrong. We always have something that we could complain about—-if we wanted. Our lives are not perfect.

On the other hand, there are those who always have something to complain about— and do they ever complain! Yes, I know. Getting it all out and sharing everything with your partner is supposed to be good for you. Right? Wrong! Some of you may confuse complaining with the ‘delicate art of venting’.

There can be TMI in relationships—especially in couples, when one has an ‘emotional hot potato’ to release. Usually the emotional overload gets tossed at the other and the heat remains in the relationship. OOOPs! One feels better and the other feels worse. Discomfort remains and has only shifted places. It may be TMI all the way.

Be selective about the role of complaining and venting in your relationship. Check signals with your partner for TMI and NEI (not enough information). When your emotionally based communications and actions begin to overwhelm your partner, find an alternative way to discharge them. Similarly, when your ‘nothing-to-complain-about’ attitude warps into emotional distance, begin to vent appropriately.

Push back with your opinions and experiences.

What do you think?

 © Copyright 2012 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

Contact Dr.Patt@HireCoach.com for permissions. 

Do You Like Being Married?

Dr. Martin Luther King is quoted as stating that “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” Nevertheless, there are too many people who do not like their marriages—-for one reason or another.

Certain long term married women (even though they deny any interest in  divorce), adamantly state they would not remarry if widowed.  They explain that they do not want to be controlled or take care of anyone ever again. They want to do their own thing. And too many women with young children vow to ‘wait it out’ in their marriages for the ‘right’ time to divorce. They forecast their certain divorces into the future—when the kids enter school, are teenagers, go to college, leave home….

WOW! Are these wives simply tolerating unsatisfactory marriages and biding their time until death occurs or the optimum time to divorce arrives?

Women who have enjoyed a happy, healthy marriage are not so resistant to remarriage after widowhood—-and certainly not for those reasons. Women in unhappy unions, but committed to two parent households for financial realities and the perceived benefits to children, do not need to sacrifice themselves through the process.

If you are unhappy being married as you are, change yourself and your expectations. Create a better self and relationship instead of just tolerating your marriage until ‘death do you part’ or until a ‘better’ time to divorce. Reduce your stress and increase your self- care or you could be doing the ‘dying and parting and divorcing’ first—–at least emotionally.

 

  • Push back with your opinions and experiences.

 What do you think?

 © Copyright 2012 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

Contact Dr.Patt@HireCoach.com for permissions.