Oddly, I did—- two weeks ago.

At the last-minute, I purchased one of those sliced, variety cheesecakes for a birthday dinner. I grabbed skinny candles and a tiny slide open matchbox from my junk drawer, tossed them into the bag with the cake, and headed to the restaurant.

After dinner, I pulled open the little cardboard drawer and removed the first wooden stick. Immediately, I declared that it was a defective box of matches. I open the box further and found that all of the little wooden sticks were toothpicks! Embarrassment captured only a fleeting moment before we all laughed.

Now I cannot imagine anyone else in the world has made THAT special mistake. But in reality, I don’t suppose there are truly unique mistakes— especially in relationships.

Life is not perfect. And mistakes are not the measure of a person or a relationship. Ownership, hard work toward solutions, apology, and forgiveness are. As a relationship expert, I know that relationships can recover from and thrive after mistakes unless— one or both partners are unforgiving and unapologetic.

If you struggle with forgiveness and apology, work hard to understand the important role of these emotions in healthy relationships. Then change your behavior and develop these emotional skills.

Dr. Martin Luther King is quoted as stating that “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” Nevertheless, there are too many people who do not like their marriages—-for one reason or another.

Certain long term married women (even though they deny any interest in  divorce), adamantly state they would not remarry if widowed.  They explain that they do not want to be controlled or take care of anyone ever again. They want to do their own thing. And too many women with young children vow to ‘wait it out’ in their marriages for the ‘right’ time to divorce. They forecast their certain divorces into the future—when the kids enter school, are teenagers, go to college, leave home….

WOW! Are these wives simply tolerating unsatisfactory marriages and biding their time until death occurs or the optimum time to divorce arrives?

Women who have enjoyed a happy, healthy marriage are not so resistant to remarriage after widowhood—-and certainly not for those reasons. Women in unhappy unions, but committed to two parent households for financial realities and the perceived benefits to children, do not need to sacrifice themselves through the process.

If you are unhappy being married as you are, change yourself and your expectations. Create a better self and relationship instead of just tolerating your marriage until ‘death do you part’ or until a ’better’ time to divorce. Reduce your stress and increase your self care or you could be doing the ‘dying and parting and divorcing’ first—–at least emotionally.

Hopefully, you can immediately answer my question with a self enriching response. If you have to dig back for more than week, you are running on fumes. And if you have not thought of anything yet, you are out of emotional gas. And finally for those who do not understand my question, run to the nearest easy chair, spa, or golf course!

Relax, refresh, renew!

Individuals want successful and fulfilling relationships without giving up satisfaction in their individual lives. Sometimes we can lose ourselves in our relationships when we are committed to our partner. Or we may feel we sacrifice our relationships to satisfy career demands. Through relationship coaching, you can discover that these are not either/or goals in life.

We can be successful, remain independent AND have a dynamite relationship! Life coaching is fitness training for your mind and spirit.